Down But Not Out

Apologies for stumbling in February, thanks for the continued support, and hopes to press on.

There are so many things I wish I was doing differently: that I was writing about something else, that I had written this at some point in February, and that I wasn’t writing this in the first place. But here goes.

I had high hopes when February started. Coming out of a 2025 where I had only released three essays in twelve months (despite at least 20 drafts sitting in my folder at various stages of completion), January of 2026 had seen not one but two essays published. If I could do that, I thought, then I could easily repeat that feat for February and set myself on a good path going forward. That, unfortunately, did not happen. For a few reasons, all of which play a role.

Part of my plan had involved finally completing my retrospective on Season 2 of Rings of Power, and by the middle of February or so I had made more progress in two weeks than I had made in almost a year. Unfortunately, right about that time, some personal issues flared up, and threatened to take away my joy once more, just as had happened last year. I was able to get a hold of myself this time, but part of that involved changing course. While I still love RoP as a whole, of course, I tend to be much more critical about various aspects of Season 2 than the vast majority of people, or at least that’s how it still feels from my perspective; so when discussing it, I can sometimes sound a bit petty and pessimistic. On the other hand…Galadriel in Season 2, indeed Galadriel in general, remains a topic that brings me much joy and never fails to lift my spirits. And as the discourse around the show illustrates, fighting for her, even in Season 2, is still a necessary and noble task. So for my own emotional health, I put aside the S2 retrospective and started putting together my thoughts on her. And I made good progress on that, even if it’s still far from ready for publication. But then the First Sunday of Lent happened last week, where the readings for Mass include the account from Matthew of Christ’s temptation. It’s a story that has some definite connections to one of the most powerful, but also one of the most misunderstood, scenes in RoP: Sauron’s temptation of Galadriel in the Season 1 finale. So I immediately got the bright idea to start working on an essay about that, with some deluded notion that I could finish it in just a week.

Did I mention I have ADHD?

So all THAT happened. And there have been a few other issues too. Some personal ones, not unlike what happened in January of 2025 (see my first essay of this year), albeit on a much smaller scale. But there have been a few developments in my professional life as well, welcome ones but time-consuming ones. I was invited to join American Public University’s, from where I got my Master’s, chapter of the National Society of Leadership and Success, which involves a surprising amount of online workshops and seminars; orientation involves answering 4 questions based on a 43-minute introduction video. I also joined a small foundation started by my family to raise awareness and funds for persecuted Christians worldwide. And that has entailed a lot more work than simply having a position that I can put on my resume; my first assignment has been, in fact, to write a 5 page essay overviewing persecution around the world, something I haven’t really done since my Masters.

I’ve had a busier February than I had anticipated. I’d have been hard pressed even if I didn’t also have my pre-existing issues with ADHD and procrastination, for which I am currently seeking help. All this means…I stumbled two months into the new year, and let myself and my subscribers down.

But I hope that writing this essay will help make things right. It’s certainly a different approach than I took last year, when I just did…nothing, in between those insanely long absences that came between the three essays I released. The cycle will only break if I actually do SOMETHING to break it, even if it’s as simple as writing a somewhat embarrassed apology. And if I was somehow able to gain 15 new subscribers in 2025 even while doing basically nothing, how much more will I be able to grow if I actually intentionally water my Substack, foster its growth, and give people a reason to hear me? That is why, ultimately, I’ve written this essay here. I’m sorry it wasn’t something more substantial, or more in line with what I had hoped to accomplish at this point in 2026. But at least I’m writing, and hopefully at least you’ll be reading it. And I hope that will be at least a fresh start. I promise you all, I WILL do better this coming month, and for the rest of this year.

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